Whether on social media, the news or in our social circles, divorce has become prevalent! We often hear that it was due to “irreconcilable differences.” I used to always see that stated in news articles and heard TV reporters stating it when referring to public divorces, but never understood it until my husband and I went through our situation! It was then that I decided to look up the definition! Irreconcilable differences is a no-fault grounds for divorce, which means neither party committed any sort of extenuating act, such as adultery, abandonment or extreme cruelty. In other words, no-fault divorce is just like it sounds—no single party is at fault for the breakdown of the marriage.
From 2015 to early 2017 my husband and I found ourselves battling the very thing that we vowed would never happen to us…an irreconcilable differences divorce! During that time, life took on a very dark and dismal hue of separation, fear, regret, sadness, pain, embarrassment and anger! However, because of God’s grace and mercy, what was meant to harm us and permanently damage us, God used to make us stronger and closer! We attempted to be very private during that very difficult time, and then slowly we shared with a few select friends and family! Upon hearing the news, people were shocked, saddened and painfully there were even some people that were secretly happy that we were no longer together. In fact, it was amazing to see how some folks were quick to tell us both to just find a new person and keep it moving! We both learned a lot during that time and we saw different aspects of how people deal with separation and divorce in today’s society, it was very interesting! Along the way, we lost the respect of some, some connections were dissolved permanently and some stood on the sidelines still believing in us and cheering us on! The criticism was constant and the judgment in people’s eyes and behavior was apparent but oddly enough we understood the myriad of responses! Everywhere we went, the questions of “what really happened to these two” were the constant 800-pound elephant in the room!
Just like humans don’t come with instruction manuals, neither do marriages! Many of us take an approach to “figuring it out as we go” especially when you have not had healthy relationships modeled to you as you were in your formative years! Is that an excuse? No, but its real! What causes couples to divorce at such an alarming rate these days? There are a plethora of answers that will vary from person to person, maybe it’s the mindset of the instant gratification society we are living in, sometimes it’s the compounding effect of years of personal issues, non-support of family and friends, unresolved childhood pain, family and friends interfering and tugging at the ears of the married couple, societal pressures…you name it. Here’s the good news, this experience taught us some very powerful and valuable lessons that helped us, in the end, do the opposite of irreconcilable differences…we RECONCILED OUR DIFFERENCES and we are willing to show the world how! You see, reconciliation is a joint venture, It takes one person to forgive, but it takes two people to be reunited. It doesn’t necessarily mean that forgiving someone means you automatically reconcile with them, it means both parties are willing to come together and work out their differences and if successful, reconciliation takes place! From what I have learned, EVERY relationship can be reconciled!
God took us on an incredible journey of self-discovery and more importantly, we were able to grow a stronger bond with God, the critical key in our humble opinion to every relationship. Society may not agree with this, but He blessed us with time apart so that when we got back together we would be better equipped for the journey He has planned for us ahead. We are being obedient to Him! Sharing our personal journey is not something we originally wanted to do, not by a long stretch! However, going through this process showed us that there are many couples suffering in silence and we know how isolative and painful that can be. So, if sharing out story can help another couple to reconcile, grow and evolve, then it is worth it! We looking forward to sharing our journey and helping families globally to reconcile their differences and create a stronger and lasting bond.
With humility, love, peace, and joy