Whenever one thinks of the word divorce we always think of it being the end of a marriage. However, if you’ve been in a relationship with someone for several years on an emotional level, had a child with someone or got engaged and the relationship ended, believe it or not, you actually experienced divorce!
There are fewer human experiences more tragic than a divorce. The trauma of divorce can leave one in the depths of despair for years and deplete their lives of purpose, joy, happiness and love. The tearing apart of two souls,once tied together, can be so painful that it impacts everyone involved (children, family, friends) in a way that can even change how they view and conduct their relationships….and oftentimes not in a good way! In fact, some say death is better than divorce because at least there is some level of closure. This is in the sense that
when you bury the person and you have an awareness that the person is gone forever…. you go through the natural process of mourning and then healing. When you have gone through a divorce, it’s like a perpetual death especially if you run into that person or if you see them and they have moved on with another person. Sometimes the pain and bitterness of the loss grows so deep that a person’s broken heart can literally kill them.
So why is the divorce rate in this country so high? There’s a myriad of reasons, but one of the reasons I have seen personally and in large quantities is desperation . Some men and women are so desperate to find someone, that they are throwing themselves into the arms of people who are not meant to be a part of their destiny. Too many are forcing a square peg into a round hole and it’s destroying the family unit at an alarming rate.
With the advent of social media, people are more visible than ever before! Women and men are more expressive with their bodies and are showing off all their “goods” The respect and sanctity of the marriage union has diminished greatly, and some people will come on to a married person (knowingly) without blinking! Even the most focused and happily married couple can easily get side tracked with all the distractions in the world! As if that’s not enough, there is the creation of speed dating which facilitates an instant gratification mentality…let’s talk for 5 mins then go on a date. TV shows, radio and individuals…everywhere you go seems to have taken the stance of
Although the bible tells us not to do it, fornication is often encouraged and look upon as normal and acceptable behavior. Now this is not just in the secular world but also in the church as well (I would dare say it’s even more prevalent in the church) With so many deciding to “test” the waters before they marry, by“shacking up” and putting the cart before the horse, it’s only natural the divorce rate is so high. Much like diapers, marriage has become soiled and disposable. What many of us are not of aware of is this: everyone you sleep with and are emotionally intimate with creates a “soul tie” which can constrict your future and destiny! With every person you “shack up” with, fornicate with, cheat with…. they take a part of you and leave a part of them. This unhealthy connection has wreaked havoc in countless relationships and marriages! The sad part is that most people are so far gone, they don’t know what to do or how to heal. They arrive at a place of bitterness toward the opposite sex and some people even end up being alone for the rest of their lives because of bad decisions! The thought process is, I’ve grown weary of this person and they are not supplying my need so “I’m out” …. I’m quoting someone I heard recently! Smh.
What can we do to change this? Well…. let’s go back to the beginning! What sets the tone for most people’s relationships, very often, has a lot to do with what was modeled to them in their formative years whether directly or indirectly! We are taught that if you are not married at a certain age, then something is wrong with you! Now what does that thought process do? It encourages desperation! So, when a person (women especially) is not married by a certain age, desperation kicks in and she settles for someone(who shows signs, up front, that they are not the right person) and reluctantly goes through with the relationship because she wants to feel wanted and accepted!Many put up with all the hell before the wedding and suddenly after the ceremony their vision and hearing become clear. They come down to reality and they see the person for who they are and all their flaws! Then the nitpicking, arguing and frustration begins and then the finger pointing and blaming starts…. marriage doesn’t work, God has forsaken me etc! Often after years of this, people resolve themselves to be unhappy roommates…. living a lie… or they cheat on each other… which leads to a cycle of toxicity and pain that can be passed down for generations. This break in the relationship that takes place can also affect everyone around them and the negative cycle continues!
Men and women are so focused on being “booed” up…that they are not focusing on the person God created them to be while they are single. Society, for a very long time, has viewed being single as a curse more than being a blessing. People who are single sometimes suffer from a lot of insecurity and feel like something is wrong with them because the “imposed” view is that no one wants them or something is wrong. Single people, I’m here to let you know, this is farthest from the truth!!!! As a married woman, let me put it out there…there are more broken, hurt, insecure people in marriage than not! There is an alarming amount of people that are just “existing in a household” and living like they are single than most would like to admit. They’re a great amount of peoplewho are practically praying for a way to get out of their marriage. Why? Because they rushed into marriage or went into it casually with unrealistic expectations that being with someone would make their life better. These expectations, whether it’s emotionally, spiritually or financially……is something you should figure out
BEFORE incorporating someone into your life.
I learned many years ago that there is only one source that can create wholeness in our life and that’s God! Only HE can validate you…not your boyfriend, spouse, family or friends…no one! Only He can create you to be the person you were meant to be. So when you are seeking love in the wrong place you are out of alignment and order for God’s plans in your life. Fall in love with God
Love yourself and once you do those two things, then you will have what it takes to love others. An alarming number of people are putting the cart before the horse. I’m here to let you know, if you don’t love God and yourself first, you will go from pillow to post looking for love in all the wrong places. Without any discernment, because of being broken, bruised and battered you will be trying to love people before you love yourself and barely knowing who God is! People know of God, but have not fallen in love with Him. When you voluntarily give your heart to God, He will teach you how to love yourself and loving others will come as second nature to
Someone may be saying, well, it’s too late for me…my answer is “no, it’s never too late” because although you are married, it’s never too late to rededicate or dedicate your life to Christ and grow to love Him.If you are still single maximize this time. Turn off the television and put off some leisure time for a while. Become so busy pursuing your purpose and work that you have no time to go digging in haystacks trying to find someone! Lol As you evolve…you will see blessed opportunities come your way including your spouse.
God is your manufacturer and you are His product. He knows all about you! Let him do the molding and shaping, allow him to be your foundation and first source of love! Even if you are married and have been out of alignment you can get back in alignment by putting some quality time in with God. How? Get back to the basics, Repent and get into daily prayer, reading the word of God and alternating with praise, worship and meditation! Over time, you will see a transformation in yourself, your life and everything around you!